Hic est fanfic
Sep. 28th, 2006 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prowler_pilotTitle: Folding time
Author: Vale
Fandom: Voyager & Stargate: Atlantis Crossover
Category: Romance, angst
Pairing: Kathryn/Chakotay, Elizabeth/Kathryn, John/Elizabeth, Elizabeth/Carson
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions of future character death
Summary: “You still smell like roses”
Author’s note: This is a sequel to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
venom69’s fanfic Trascendence. To understand this fanfic, you shall read hers first.
Also, written for my belovedvenom69 *snogs*. Thanks and huggles to my beta xfairy1013
Disclaimer: The bunch of character featured in this fanfic don't belong to me.
“Does she get the same opportunity?” The Captain asks. “To find out about me? To see the pieces of the information I offered up and make sense of it?”
“No.” (venom69, Trascendence)
***
Kathryn has been striving for some time alone all day. She’s been striving for some time alone since they’d come back to Earth over a week ago, actually, but the last few hours have almost brought her to the verge of insanity.
She sat on her couch through the whole evening, a gurgling Miral in her lap, listening half-heartedly to Tom Paris babble on about the holo-novelist career he wants to pursue while Chakotay and Be’lanna compare teaching methods before the year starts at Starfleet Academy that will see both of them behind a classroom desk.
She would laugh at the thought of the half-Klingon woman opposite a class of nervous freshmen, if her eyes, and her thoughts, weren’t continually drifting to the computer sitting on the desk in the corner of the living room.
It had been easier to keep her mind off Elizabeth Weir during the endless debriefings, the interviews, press conferences, and the other… consequences, so to speak, of their homecoming. But now her image – slightly foggy, as if it had really been a dream – is haunting her again, along with the enigmatic words that Admiral Janeway had tantalized her curiosity with.
She wishes her guests would leave now so she can run a search on her friend’s name.
She wishes this evening would draw on forever, because she’s scared shitless at what she could possibly find that her older self hadn’t wanted to tell her in person.
***
Chakotay keeps snoring gently on his side of the mattress, oblivious to her inner turmoil, when she sneaks out of bed in the middle of the night. She has never talked to him about Elizabeth, even if the urge to turn to his solid presence had been strong at times.
She seriously doubts there is a way to make sense of that room in Neverland and of the woman in red who made her heart skip beats and drum and flutter with every soft kiss and caring embrace she offered. At the time she’d been looking for a rational explanation, but the illogical side of Captain Janeway was afraid that if she mentioned her to anyone, she wouldn’t be allowed to see her again.
And she didn’t want her crew to think she was losing her marbles.
She pads over to the kitchen and replicates a steaming cup of coffee –two sugars this time, maybe it would help loosen the knot in her throat-, before she walks hesitantly to the chair awaiting in front of the computer desk.
Her hand trembles lightly as she turnes on the laptop and waits for the operative system to load.
“Computer,” she whispers, and finds that her voice isn’t much steadier than the rest of her body. “Run a search on Dr. Elizabeth Weir.”
She watches the Starfleet logo rotate on its axis as the search engine ran through the massive Federation database, second after endless second.
And then the page appears, white words on blue background, and a large cap reading ‘USAF: Classified’ at the top.
She leans back in the chair, surprised. She knows Elizabeth is the leader of an expedition that mixes civilians and military, one that she’s never heard about, but she’d been already stranded in the Delta Quadrant for some time when they met, and the Atlantis expedition could have been organized after their accident.
She still wasn’t expecting it to be a top secret government operation.
And why is she seeing her file, if the project is classified?
The answer comes almost immediately, and freezes her inside like a cold shower. She moves closer, squinting to bring the words into focus. Thinking, hoping, that her sight isn’t just as good as it used to.
Date of birth: 12.06.1966
She feels slightly nauseous as she reads the date over and over, still not quite trusting her eyes.
Elizabeth has been dead for centuries, and Kathryn remembers kissing her for the last time less than ten days ago.
Everything is vivid in her memory; the full softness of her lips; her taste; that smell of saltwater that lingers in all San Francisco and fills her heart with a tender ache; her rich brown curls…
She lifts her hand to the screen, where her picture fills the left half of the page. She looks slightly younger there, her hair shorter, worn straight, less lines on her face, the same determined look in her eyes, and that touch of naiveté Kathryn has seen fade over time.
The hand retreats brusquely, as if burned, and Kathryn scrambles backwards, away from the piercing, hopeful eyes of a woman that has been nothing but a handful of dust for the last 450 years.
She fumbles frantically to turn off the laptop and rushes back to her bedroom, her heart thumping violently against her ribcage and her legs barely supporting her weight as she slips back under the covers and instinctively scoots close to Chakotay’s warm, live body.
“Kathryn?” He mumbles sleepily, his arm going around her waist and pulling her closer. She’s glad she has been able to salvage their relationship in this timeline. God knows he’s been her anchor for so many years she couldn’t fathom her life without him.
She places a kiss on his cheek, and hopes he doesn’t feel the tears that are rolling, uncontrolled, down her chin.
“It’s okay, go back to sleep.”
As an answer, he tightens his hold on her, and soon he falls back asleep, his breathing slow and steady.
Kathryn’s heart feels cold and heavy in her chest. Small shivers run up her spine and into her neck as she replays her conversation with Admiral Janeway, the meaning of her sharp ‘no’ now clear in her head.
She doesn’t sleep that night, and thinks of her friend’s eternal rest.
***
Time relativity. From its seed, in Einstein’s work, to quantum theory and mechanics, tachyons and chronotrons, Kathryn has never had any problems understanding the concept of space-time, or time travel, and like many others of her race, had been both fascinated and overwhelmed by the sense of omnipotence that controlling time could give. A fallacious omnipotence, the will to forget that the cycle of human life ultimately comes to an end. Death. You can change the past, and the course of your life. But you can’t have it back. Admiral Janeway died, leaving a life behind herself that’s much different than the one Kathryn’s living now.
And you can’t really bridge a gap of four centuries between two people.
Nature wins out.
***
It takes her several months after that night to find the strength to venture into Elizabeth’s file again. It’s a cold winter day she’s spending in her office, a mug of herbal tea sitting beside the computer, her hand resting self-consciously on her abdomen.
It’s the day she discovers she’s pregnant with her first baby. It’s the day the need to know how the war she was fighting ultimately turned out gets the better of her. It’s the day that she first thinks about an old plan she believed she wasn’t ever going to bring into play.
She now knows almost everything documents, formal and informal, true and false, have to say about Doctor Elizabeth Weir. She’s amazed at the extent of the terran space program back then, and even more amazed that the government agreed to put a civilian woman in charge of such an important expedition. It was the 21st century, after all.
There’s not much about Elizabeth’s childhood, most files report just that she grew up in New England and that she had attended a bunch of prestigious schools whose names Kathryn remembers from her history course at the Academy. She discovers that her people have never been to Atlantica in this century, or in the previous two, and that the expedition was recalled to Earth a few decades after Elizabeth’s death.
The war with the Wraith draws on for several years, and they lose half of the city and way too many expedition members in the final battle. Humans win.
***
However, it looks like Kathryn’s is the one who got the good end of the bargain.
She’s feeding her baby the bottle when she reads that John Sheppard was injured during that battle. He didn’t came out of the infirmary alive.
Elizabeth marries her Chief Surgeon a few years later, rumors said out of brotherly love more than anything else, and indeed, she can’t find any mention of children in her life.
She runs the city until she’s able to stand on her own feet and it’s there she was buried after she died, at age 83, of respiratory arrest. Kathryn tenderly traces the contours of her face on the picture, and when her older daughter asks her why she’s crying, she tells her it’s just a bad bout of allergy.
***
“I’ve been meaning to ask you…are you familiar with a drug called Chronexeline?” Kathryn folds her uniform jacket, places it in an overnight bag with a few other items. Hers is not going to be a long trip.
The Doctor –Joe, she mentally corrects herself- frowns lightly at the unexpected question. “We’ve been testing it at Starfleet medical to determine if it can protect from bio matter tachyon radiation.”
“And?” She raises her head from her packing, expectant.
His eyebrows knit together. “Sounds promising. Why do you ask?”
“I need 200milligrams by tomorrow afternoon.” It’s not a question, it’s an order, her tone ingrained into her by years of commanding a ship and driven by the urgency of her so-called mission.
He stands up, confronting her directly, confusion etched into his features. “Why?”
“It’s classified.” She would spend the remainder of her life in jail if someone found out what she was going to do. “Will you get it for me?”
He sighs and gives up. He still trusts her. “Of course Admiral.”
She bows her head slightly, and a smile graces her gentle features. “Thank you.”
As she escorts her friend to the door, she thinks she’s aged to become all too similar to the Admiral Janeway that had saved their lives so many years ago.
***
She comes out of the rift in the Pegasus Galaxy, year 2010, or so she hopes. The stars around her look unfamiliar, and her ship computer doesn’t recognize them either. She stares at the empty space –no ships, no spatial stations- and at the blue planet floating in ether just below her module.
Kathryn hopes she has done the right thing. When the old Admiral Janeway had decided to take her trip in the past, she had had no one to come back to, and an emergency to solve. This Kathryn has two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband she wants to welcome with a hot dinner when they return from a long day at the Academy.
This Kathryn also has a heart that has ached for too many years for a lost friend and lover to let the occasion pass.
She brings her module down, slowly, scanning the ocean with attentive eyes for anything that might look like a large city. There’s a primitive settlement on the land, and she thinks the city shouldn’t be far from there. She’s right.
She never expected to see something so magnificent: tall, sleek towers striving to reach the sky, a large warship parked on one of the piers, a play of blues and grays gleaming in the bright daylight…
She understands now why Elizabeth loved this place so much. She feels a little egoist, having chosen to visit her before the concluding battle of the world, but she wanted to see her, and Atlantis, at their peak. And besides, she was very intrigued at the prospect of meeting John.
She runs a hand through her silver hair and pushes the comm. button, keeping herself out of firing range. “Atlantis, this is Earth module 46. Come in please.”
A male voice answers almost immediately. “Earth module 46, this is Atlantis. We aren’t expecting anymore vessels from Earth.
“Dr. Weir will know me. Tell her...” she swallows a lump in her throat the size of a velocity ball. “tell her it’s Kathryn Janeway.”
Elizabeth’s voice crackles over the communication system a few minutes later, hard, strained. The commanding tone of a leader, not the soft whispering of a lover or the broken sobs of a defeated woman.
“This has better not be a joke. I suggest you identify yourself and state your purpose here. We’re at war if you haven’t noticed, and we tend to be circumspect around strangers, especially if they show up on our doorstep without notice.”
“I’m no stranger to you, Elizabeth.” Weir’s breath hitches in recognition, causing a smile to form on Kathryn’s lips.
“Kathryn?” Her voice falters for a moment. “Is that really you?”
***
Atlantis is more beautiful inside than it is on the outside. It’s swarming with life, groups of armed men patrolling the control room and scientists clustered together in front of holographic screens, looking for a way to successfully defeat the Wraith.
Kathryn is somewhat relieved that she hadn’t found any detailed information on the upcoming fight; this way she won’t be torn between her loyalty to the prime directive –which she had, by the way, already seriously defied- and the urge to tell Elizabeth how to minimize the losses and save John.
John who is bouncing lightly next to Elizabeth, watching the women talk and asking questions his leader can’t answer to. The fondness in his eyes when he speaks to Elizabeth, confused at the unexpected guest and Elizabeth’s unusual behavior, is enough for Kathryn to approve the man.
“I have assigned you our vip quarters. Follow me.” Elizabeth tries to keep the emotion out of her voice, happiness, fright, confusion showing alternatively on her face. They’re silent as they walk through the maze of corridors that is Atlantis, and when they’re safely inside the large bedroom, Kathryn finds herself holding an armful of Elizabeth Weir.
“How did you do it?” She nuzzles Kathryn’s neck, uncaring of the effect age has had on her skin.
“I’ve broken a thousands rules and illegally obtained pieces of experimental technology. And it was well worth it.” The last words come out as a whisper as one of her hands comes up to cup Elizabeth’s head and the other curls around her waist, squeezing her tightly. “I’ve missed you all these years.”
“I missed you too.” She lifts her head. “You still smell like roses.” She smiles, and Kathryn chuckles through her nose.
“When exactly in time do you come from?” Elizabeth is all innocence and sparkling eyes as she asks her question.
Damn, the girl is smart.
“How did you figure it out?” They break the hug and Elizabeth takes her by the hand, leading her to the large bed that takes up most of the space in the room.
“It was just a suspect at first, nothing serious. A few snippets of your narrations that didn’t add up to my own time-frame. No mention of you and Chakotay in any Earth database, public or classified.
But I wasn’t sure until half an hour ago. Our scientists picked up tachyon traces just before your ship appeared. And you--” She reaches out and threads her fingers in a soft bang of silver hair.
Kathryn leans into the gentle touch. “I wish there had been a way for me to come here earlier.”
She has never been one to worry about her physical appearance, but sitting next to Elizabeth now, still as radiant and beautiful as the last time she had seen her, made her feel slightly inadequate.
“You’re here now, that’s what counts. And you’re still so beautiful.” Elizabeth places a tender kiss on her lips, and a long forgotten warmth settles low on her abdomen. The kiss is short, the contact all too brief, but she knows there will be time for more after the long due clarifications.
“So are you, my dear.” Her fingers are tentative on her skin as she traces the contours of her face.
“Even out of my dress?” Elizabeth teases.
Kathryn smiles. “I like your uniform. We even wear the same color.”
“And the burden of command that comes with it.” She sighs. “How long can you stay?”
“Not much I’m afraid. My aging doesn’t stop while I’m here, and I have to go back home.”
“And home is...when?”
She hesitates before responding. “The ‘90s. Of the 24th century.”
Elizabeth gasps for hair and looks down at her hands, folded in her lap. “God.”
“I know. Finding out about you was a shock for me, too.” She takes the younger woman’s hands in her own and squeezes gently. “We’re easily the most screwed up couple in the history of humanity.”
Elizabeth snorts. “You could say that.”
“Will you show me your quarters?” The room they’re in is large, but quite impersonal.
“I will. But we’ll be sleeping here. This is the only room with a king sized bed.”
“Air Force anti fraternization precaution?” Her eyes dance with amusement.
She shakes her head, a smirk on her lips. “Ancient overpopulation precaution, actually.”
“Ancient?”
“The Ancients. The race that built this city, and many similar others throughout the Pegasus Galaxy.”
It’s the first time Elizabeth mentions this people. “There are so many things I want to ask you.”
“I have at least as many that I want to ask you.”
“I won’t be able to answer all of those.”
Elizabeth cocks her head to the side, about to inquire on that last statement, when her earpiece crackles to life. She jolts off the bed and taps the device active, anxiety hardening her features.
“I’ll be there right away. Weir out.”
“Troubles?” Kathryn has only a general perspective on the history of the Atlantis expedition, only the dates of major events had survived four centuries of computer viruses and archive deletions. For all she knew, she might have arrived in time to witness a bombing or an intrusion on the Wraith’s part. She thinks of her children and her husband at home and hopes she won’t have to fight for her life.
“Nothing we can’t solve I hope. I’m sorry to leave you like that. There are books on that shelf, feel free to take a look.” She runs the back of her fingers down Kathryn’s cheek before jogging off to the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
***
It turns out that of their allied planets’ ships has been ambushed by a wraith hive on their way back to their home planet. There are no survivors.
“Is it always like that?” Kathryn asks, pulling the blanket over their entwined bodies. She holds Elizabeth near, showering her face with butterfly kisses and wiping away with her thumbs the few angry tears that escape her eyes.
“Only the good days.”
***
“Did you get home after all?” Elizabeth lies on her side, her head propped upon her hand, rubbing lazy circles on Kathryn’s bare arm as the Starfleet officer watches the sun rise behind the horizon and tinge Atlantica of yellow and pink.
“Yes. And I got the boy.”
Elizabeth’s eyes light up. “You and Chakotay…”
“We married. We have two kids and a grandchild on the way.”
“After all you’ve been through, you deserve this.” The corners of her mouth curl up, and her smile is brighter than the dawn outside the window.
Kathryn lets Elizabeth ask her questions about her work and family, and replies eagerly, without giving too much information about her time. Her heart skips a beat every time she remembers that her friend won’t get anything of what she deserves.
“What about you and John?” Her curiosity is genuine. She’s read he died –will die- unmarried, but doesn’t know how far his relationship with Elizabeth went before the accident.
“It’s complicated. We’ve been…more physical, since last year, but we have yet to discuss anything seriously. The fight against the Wraith takes up most of our time, and there aren’t many occasions to meet in a more intimate environment than the balcony off the control room.” She offers a small smile and a one-shoulder shrug as she slips into her combat pants. “I guess we’ll sort it out when the war is over.”
Janeway struggles to return the smile and not let the pain show on her face. She buttons up Elizabeth’s pants as they kiss and tells her to have faith.
Once alone, Kathryn collapses on the bed and wonders how long it’s been since she’s deceived someone she loves.
***
On her third day in Atlantis, she meets Elizabeth’s future husband.
Carson Beckett has a heart the size of the Alpha Quadrant, and more courage running through his veins than he will ever know.
When she voices this thought to Elizabeth, the latter briefly lifts her head from a report she’s reading and nods in agreement, but in her eyes Kathryn sees confusion at her unusual open appraisal of one of her men.
Despite everything, she’s glad Elizabeth’s going to spend her life with a man she’s rejoiced and mourned with for so many years, one that loves her dearly and will stand by her side when things start going downhill.
***
The night before she leaves, on Elizabeth’s favorite balcony, she is asked the question she dreaded.
“You already know how this is going to end right? The war, Atlantis…” she pushes her wind-blown curls out of her eyes. “When and how I am going to die.” She leaves the words hanging in the air and turns to look at her, expectant.
“You know I can’t tell you any of this. I’ve already broken too many rules as it is.”
“What difference does another one make?” She insists.
The older woman sighs. “For me, nothing. But you need to live your life without constraints.”
“But if my destiny’s already written--”
“It’s not. Not yet at least. You will write your own future, through your choices and actions. And my presence here might have altered it already. That’s why time travels are not allowed. If I told you something—anything, who knows what kind of world I’d find when I get back.”
“It’s giving me a headache, but I think I understand.”
Kathryn chuckles. “It gives everyone a headache, my dear.” The cold season is drawing nearer on Atlantica, and she hugs herself against the late evening night chill. “Let’s go back inside.”
It’s their last night together, but they don’t make love.
***
Their last kiss inside her module is slow, tender, and tastes vaguely of tears.
“Fly safely.” Elizabeth cups her face with both hands, as if to memorize her features, before letting her ease herself into the pilot’s seat.
Kathryn’s fingers fly over a tactile screen and the ship comes to life. “I will. Computer, are all systems operational?”
A woman’s voice answers positively, and she proceeds to start the engines.
“I guess this is it.” Kathryn lifts up her hand, just as she did so many years ago, in another time and place, and watches as Elizabeth slides her fingers between hers.
“Goodbye, Kathryn.”
“Take care of yourself.”
Elizabeth pulls away first, takes a few steps backwards. Her voice is broken when she speaks. “Just promise me that you’ll count to 100 before you leave.” And in a blur of red shirt and brown curls she’s gone, running towards the closest transporter.
Before she takes off, Kathryn slips her hand into her pocket and feels the thin tress of hair, tied by a red string, she cut the previous night while Elizabeth was sleeping.
***
Elizabeth is not alone as she watches the small ship fly neatly through the Atlantean sky, but she doesn’t notice until the vessel has disappeared completely from view.
“Will you ever tell us what happened here in the past week?”
She turns to see John Sheppard standing a few feet behind her with his hands in his pocket, head tilted to the side. She’s become so used to the gun perpetually strapped to his thigh that she doesn’t think she remembers how he looks without it.
Since the first Wraith invasion, it was a precaution few of them overlooked. She had, actually, in the last days, because she didn’t want Kathryn to see the semi-automatic she kept in her right boot.
“John.” Her smile is forced, and her eyes still watery. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Who was that woman Elizabeth? Where did she come from?”
“You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”
“I haven’t had a satisfactory answer. I haven’t had any answer, for that matter.” He’s pushing a little, but he doesn’t sound angry, and she’s grateful for that.
“And once again, you won’t have one. Not today at least. Or next month.”
“Next year?” He suggests, only half-seriously, and steps forward to envelop her in a hug, his chest pressed tightly to her back, his arms resting comfortably around her hips.
“Try in twenty years. Right now, I can only say it was an old friend paying me a courtesy visit.”
“Do all your old friends have such cool spaceships?”
She laughs and leans back into him, resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes closing in appreciation when he brushes his lips over her temple.
“Can we have lunch together? I’ve been feeling kind of neglected lately, you know.” He mumbles into her hair.
“If you’re willing to eat in my office, I’d love to. Lorne’s team came back this morning from Katos and they’ve gathered some intelligence that might prove useful, and I’d like to give it a look as soon as possible.” She rubs her nose affectionately against his cheek. “I’d actually prefer if you were there with me to discuss any possible course of action.”
“Sure.” He squeezes her briefly before stepping back. “I’ll meet you in your office in about twenty minutes, just the time to get us food. Is chicken salad okay?”
She nods. “That’s just fine, and don’t forget jell-o.”
He rolls back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Color?”
She rolls her eyes. “Red.”
He squints, a smirk on his face. “Naturally.” He never grows tired of this little gag.
She shakes her head. “You’re never going to stop that, are you?”
The grin widens. “No. See ya later.”
Once alone, Elizabeth turns back to the ocean and the sky that has just swallowed her friend, and, her eyes closed, lets the wind dance around her.
And for one moment, she thinks she smells roses in the breeze.
This fanfic comes with a small fanmix :)
01. Al Stewart - Year of the cat
02. Sarah Brightman - Captain Nemo
03. Heather Nova - I miss my sky
04. Clint Masnell - Requiem for a dream
05. Heather Nova - This body
06. Giorgia - Gocce di memoria
07. Semisonic - Secret Smile
08. Gianna Nannini - Meravigliosa Creatura
09. Toad the wet sprockets - Windmills
10. Phil Collins - Another day in Paradise
11. Ayumi Hamasaki - Scar
12. Caleb Carruth - Darkness Falls
Author: Vale
Fandom: Voyager & Stargate: Atlantis Crossover
Category: Romance, angst
Pairing: Kathryn/Chakotay, Elizabeth/Kathryn, John/Elizabeth, Elizabeth/Carson
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions of future character death
Summary: “You still smell like roses”
Author’s note: This is a sequel to
venom69’s fanfic Trascendence. To understand this fanfic, you shall read hers first.Also, written for my beloved
venom69 *snogs*. Thanks and huggles to my beta xfairy1013Disclaimer: The bunch of character featured in this fanfic don't belong to me.
“Does she get the same opportunity?” The Captain asks. “To find out about me? To see the pieces of the information I offered up and make sense of it?”
“No.” (
venom69, Trascendence)***
Kathryn has been striving for some time alone all day. She’s been striving for some time alone since they’d come back to Earth over a week ago, actually, but the last few hours have almost brought her to the verge of insanity.
She sat on her couch through the whole evening, a gurgling Miral in her lap, listening half-heartedly to Tom Paris babble on about the holo-novelist career he wants to pursue while Chakotay and Be’lanna compare teaching methods before the year starts at Starfleet Academy that will see both of them behind a classroom desk.
She would laugh at the thought of the half-Klingon woman opposite a class of nervous freshmen, if her eyes, and her thoughts, weren’t continually drifting to the computer sitting on the desk in the corner of the living room.
It had been easier to keep her mind off Elizabeth Weir during the endless debriefings, the interviews, press conferences, and the other… consequences, so to speak, of their homecoming. But now her image – slightly foggy, as if it had really been a dream – is haunting her again, along with the enigmatic words that Admiral Janeway had tantalized her curiosity with.
She wishes her guests would leave now so she can run a search on her friend’s name.
She wishes this evening would draw on forever, because she’s scared shitless at what she could possibly find that her older self hadn’t wanted to tell her in person.
***
Chakotay keeps snoring gently on his side of the mattress, oblivious to her inner turmoil, when she sneaks out of bed in the middle of the night. She has never talked to him about Elizabeth, even if the urge to turn to his solid presence had been strong at times.
She seriously doubts there is a way to make sense of that room in Neverland and of the woman in red who made her heart skip beats and drum and flutter with every soft kiss and caring embrace she offered. At the time she’d been looking for a rational explanation, but the illogical side of Captain Janeway was afraid that if she mentioned her to anyone, she wouldn’t be allowed to see her again.
And she didn’t want her crew to think she was losing her marbles.
She pads over to the kitchen and replicates a steaming cup of coffee –two sugars this time, maybe it would help loosen the knot in her throat-, before she walks hesitantly to the chair awaiting in front of the computer desk.
Her hand trembles lightly as she turnes on the laptop and waits for the operative system to load.
“Computer,” she whispers, and finds that her voice isn’t much steadier than the rest of her body. “Run a search on Dr. Elizabeth Weir.”
She watches the Starfleet logo rotate on its axis as the search engine ran through the massive Federation database, second after endless second.
And then the page appears, white words on blue background, and a large cap reading ‘USAF: Classified’ at the top.
She leans back in the chair, surprised. She knows Elizabeth is the leader of an expedition that mixes civilians and military, one that she’s never heard about, but she’d been already stranded in the Delta Quadrant for some time when they met, and the Atlantis expedition could have been organized after their accident.
She still wasn’t expecting it to be a top secret government operation.
And why is she seeing her file, if the project is classified?
The answer comes almost immediately, and freezes her inside like a cold shower. She moves closer, squinting to bring the words into focus. Thinking, hoping, that her sight isn’t just as good as it used to.
Date of birth: 12.06.1966
She feels slightly nauseous as she reads the date over and over, still not quite trusting her eyes.
Elizabeth has been dead for centuries, and Kathryn remembers kissing her for the last time less than ten days ago.
Everything is vivid in her memory; the full softness of her lips; her taste; that smell of saltwater that lingers in all San Francisco and fills her heart with a tender ache; her rich brown curls…
She lifts her hand to the screen, where her picture fills the left half of the page. She looks slightly younger there, her hair shorter, worn straight, less lines on her face, the same determined look in her eyes, and that touch of naiveté Kathryn has seen fade over time.
The hand retreats brusquely, as if burned, and Kathryn scrambles backwards, away from the piercing, hopeful eyes of a woman that has been nothing but a handful of dust for the last 450 years.
She fumbles frantically to turn off the laptop and rushes back to her bedroom, her heart thumping violently against her ribcage and her legs barely supporting her weight as she slips back under the covers and instinctively scoots close to Chakotay’s warm, live body.
“Kathryn?” He mumbles sleepily, his arm going around her waist and pulling her closer. She’s glad she has been able to salvage their relationship in this timeline. God knows he’s been her anchor for so many years she couldn’t fathom her life without him.
She places a kiss on his cheek, and hopes he doesn’t feel the tears that are rolling, uncontrolled, down her chin.
“It’s okay, go back to sleep.”
As an answer, he tightens his hold on her, and soon he falls back asleep, his breathing slow and steady.
Kathryn’s heart feels cold and heavy in her chest. Small shivers run up her spine and into her neck as she replays her conversation with Admiral Janeway, the meaning of her sharp ‘no’ now clear in her head.
She doesn’t sleep that night, and thinks of her friend’s eternal rest.
***
Time relativity. From its seed, in Einstein’s work, to quantum theory and mechanics, tachyons and chronotrons, Kathryn has never had any problems understanding the concept of space-time, or time travel, and like many others of her race, had been both fascinated and overwhelmed by the sense of omnipotence that controlling time could give. A fallacious omnipotence, the will to forget that the cycle of human life ultimately comes to an end. Death. You can change the past, and the course of your life. But you can’t have it back. Admiral Janeway died, leaving a life behind herself that’s much different than the one Kathryn’s living now.
And you can’t really bridge a gap of four centuries between two people.
Nature wins out.
***
It takes her several months after that night to find the strength to venture into Elizabeth’s file again. It’s a cold winter day she’s spending in her office, a mug of herbal tea sitting beside the computer, her hand resting self-consciously on her abdomen.
It’s the day she discovers she’s pregnant with her first baby. It’s the day the need to know how the war she was fighting ultimately turned out gets the better of her. It’s the day that she first thinks about an old plan she believed she wasn’t ever going to bring into play.
She now knows almost everything documents, formal and informal, true and false, have to say about Doctor Elizabeth Weir. She’s amazed at the extent of the terran space program back then, and even more amazed that the government agreed to put a civilian woman in charge of such an important expedition. It was the 21st century, after all.
There’s not much about Elizabeth’s childhood, most files report just that she grew up in New England and that she had attended a bunch of prestigious schools whose names Kathryn remembers from her history course at the Academy. She discovers that her people have never been to Atlantica in this century, or in the previous two, and that the expedition was recalled to Earth a few decades after Elizabeth’s death.
The war with the Wraith draws on for several years, and they lose half of the city and way too many expedition members in the final battle. Humans win.
***
However, it looks like Kathryn’s is the one who got the good end of the bargain.
She’s feeding her baby the bottle when she reads that John Sheppard was injured during that battle. He didn’t came out of the infirmary alive.
Elizabeth marries her Chief Surgeon a few years later, rumors said out of brotherly love more than anything else, and indeed, she can’t find any mention of children in her life.
She runs the city until she’s able to stand on her own feet and it’s there she was buried after she died, at age 83, of respiratory arrest. Kathryn tenderly traces the contours of her face on the picture, and when her older daughter asks her why she’s crying, she tells her it’s just a bad bout of allergy.
***
“I’ve been meaning to ask you…are you familiar with a drug called Chronexeline?” Kathryn folds her uniform jacket, places it in an overnight bag with a few other items. Hers is not going to be a long trip.
The Doctor –Joe, she mentally corrects herself- frowns lightly at the unexpected question. “We’ve been testing it at Starfleet medical to determine if it can protect from bio matter tachyon radiation.”
“And?” She raises her head from her packing, expectant.
His eyebrows knit together. “Sounds promising. Why do you ask?”
“I need 200milligrams by tomorrow afternoon.” It’s not a question, it’s an order, her tone ingrained into her by years of commanding a ship and driven by the urgency of her so-called mission.
He stands up, confronting her directly, confusion etched into his features. “Why?”
“It’s classified.” She would spend the remainder of her life in jail if someone found out what she was going to do. “Will you get it for me?”
He sighs and gives up. He still trusts her. “Of course Admiral.”
She bows her head slightly, and a smile graces her gentle features. “Thank you.”
As she escorts her friend to the door, she thinks she’s aged to become all too similar to the Admiral Janeway that had saved their lives so many years ago.
***
She comes out of the rift in the Pegasus Galaxy, year 2010, or so she hopes. The stars around her look unfamiliar, and her ship computer doesn’t recognize them either. She stares at the empty space –no ships, no spatial stations- and at the blue planet floating in ether just below her module.
Kathryn hopes she has done the right thing. When the old Admiral Janeway had decided to take her trip in the past, she had had no one to come back to, and an emergency to solve. This Kathryn has two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband she wants to welcome with a hot dinner when they return from a long day at the Academy.
This Kathryn also has a heart that has ached for too many years for a lost friend and lover to let the occasion pass.
She brings her module down, slowly, scanning the ocean with attentive eyes for anything that might look like a large city. There’s a primitive settlement on the land, and she thinks the city shouldn’t be far from there. She’s right.
She never expected to see something so magnificent: tall, sleek towers striving to reach the sky, a large warship parked on one of the piers, a play of blues and grays gleaming in the bright daylight…
She understands now why Elizabeth loved this place so much. She feels a little egoist, having chosen to visit her before the concluding battle of the world, but she wanted to see her, and Atlantis, at their peak. And besides, she was very intrigued at the prospect of meeting John.
She runs a hand through her silver hair and pushes the comm. button, keeping herself out of firing range. “Atlantis, this is Earth module 46. Come in please.”
A male voice answers almost immediately. “Earth module 46, this is Atlantis. We aren’t expecting anymore vessels from Earth.
“Dr. Weir will know me. Tell her...” she swallows a lump in her throat the size of a velocity ball. “tell her it’s Kathryn Janeway.”
Elizabeth’s voice crackles over the communication system a few minutes later, hard, strained. The commanding tone of a leader, not the soft whispering of a lover or the broken sobs of a defeated woman.
“This has better not be a joke. I suggest you identify yourself and state your purpose here. We’re at war if you haven’t noticed, and we tend to be circumspect around strangers, especially if they show up on our doorstep without notice.”
“I’m no stranger to you, Elizabeth.” Weir’s breath hitches in recognition, causing a smile to form on Kathryn’s lips.
“Kathryn?” Her voice falters for a moment. “Is that really you?”
***
Atlantis is more beautiful inside than it is on the outside. It’s swarming with life, groups of armed men patrolling the control room and scientists clustered together in front of holographic screens, looking for a way to successfully defeat the Wraith.
Kathryn is somewhat relieved that she hadn’t found any detailed information on the upcoming fight; this way she won’t be torn between her loyalty to the prime directive –which she had, by the way, already seriously defied- and the urge to tell Elizabeth how to minimize the losses and save John.
John who is bouncing lightly next to Elizabeth, watching the women talk and asking questions his leader can’t answer to. The fondness in his eyes when he speaks to Elizabeth, confused at the unexpected guest and Elizabeth’s unusual behavior, is enough for Kathryn to approve the man.
“I have assigned you our vip quarters. Follow me.” Elizabeth tries to keep the emotion out of her voice, happiness, fright, confusion showing alternatively on her face. They’re silent as they walk through the maze of corridors that is Atlantis, and when they’re safely inside the large bedroom, Kathryn finds herself holding an armful of Elizabeth Weir.
“How did you do it?” She nuzzles Kathryn’s neck, uncaring of the effect age has had on her skin.
“I’ve broken a thousands rules and illegally obtained pieces of experimental technology. And it was well worth it.” The last words come out as a whisper as one of her hands comes up to cup Elizabeth’s head and the other curls around her waist, squeezing her tightly. “I’ve missed you all these years.”
“I missed you too.” She lifts her head. “You still smell like roses.” She smiles, and Kathryn chuckles through her nose.
“When exactly in time do you come from?” Elizabeth is all innocence and sparkling eyes as she asks her question.
Damn, the girl is smart.
“How did you figure it out?” They break the hug and Elizabeth takes her by the hand, leading her to the large bed that takes up most of the space in the room.
“It was just a suspect at first, nothing serious. A few snippets of your narrations that didn’t add up to my own time-frame. No mention of you and Chakotay in any Earth database, public or classified.
But I wasn’t sure until half an hour ago. Our scientists picked up tachyon traces just before your ship appeared. And you--” She reaches out and threads her fingers in a soft bang of silver hair.
Kathryn leans into the gentle touch. “I wish there had been a way for me to come here earlier.”
She has never been one to worry about her physical appearance, but sitting next to Elizabeth now, still as radiant and beautiful as the last time she had seen her, made her feel slightly inadequate.
“You’re here now, that’s what counts. And you’re still so beautiful.” Elizabeth places a tender kiss on her lips, and a long forgotten warmth settles low on her abdomen. The kiss is short, the contact all too brief, but she knows there will be time for more after the long due clarifications.
“So are you, my dear.” Her fingers are tentative on her skin as she traces the contours of her face.
“Even out of my dress?” Elizabeth teases.
Kathryn smiles. “I like your uniform. We even wear the same color.”
“And the burden of command that comes with it.” She sighs. “How long can you stay?”
“Not much I’m afraid. My aging doesn’t stop while I’m here, and I have to go back home.”
“And home is...when?”
She hesitates before responding. “The ‘90s. Of the 24th century.”
Elizabeth gasps for hair and looks down at her hands, folded in her lap. “God.”
“I know. Finding out about you was a shock for me, too.” She takes the younger woman’s hands in her own and squeezes gently. “We’re easily the most screwed up couple in the history of humanity.”
Elizabeth snorts. “You could say that.”
“Will you show me your quarters?” The room they’re in is large, but quite impersonal.
“I will. But we’ll be sleeping here. This is the only room with a king sized bed.”
“Air Force anti fraternization precaution?” Her eyes dance with amusement.
She shakes her head, a smirk on her lips. “Ancient overpopulation precaution, actually.”
“Ancient?”
“The Ancients. The race that built this city, and many similar others throughout the Pegasus Galaxy.”
It’s the first time Elizabeth mentions this people. “There are so many things I want to ask you.”
“I have at least as many that I want to ask you.”
“I won’t be able to answer all of those.”
Elizabeth cocks her head to the side, about to inquire on that last statement, when her earpiece crackles to life. She jolts off the bed and taps the device active, anxiety hardening her features.
“I’ll be there right away. Weir out.”
“Troubles?” Kathryn has only a general perspective on the history of the Atlantis expedition, only the dates of major events had survived four centuries of computer viruses and archive deletions. For all she knew, she might have arrived in time to witness a bombing or an intrusion on the Wraith’s part. She thinks of her children and her husband at home and hopes she won’t have to fight for her life.
“Nothing we can’t solve I hope. I’m sorry to leave you like that. There are books on that shelf, feel free to take a look.” She runs the back of her fingers down Kathryn’s cheek before jogging off to the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
***
It turns out that of their allied planets’ ships has been ambushed by a wraith hive on their way back to their home planet. There are no survivors.
“Is it always like that?” Kathryn asks, pulling the blanket over their entwined bodies. She holds Elizabeth near, showering her face with butterfly kisses and wiping away with her thumbs the few angry tears that escape her eyes.
“Only the good days.”
***
“Did you get home after all?” Elizabeth lies on her side, her head propped upon her hand, rubbing lazy circles on Kathryn’s bare arm as the Starfleet officer watches the sun rise behind the horizon and tinge Atlantica of yellow and pink.
“Yes. And I got the boy.”
Elizabeth’s eyes light up. “You and Chakotay…”
“We married. We have two kids and a grandchild on the way.”
“After all you’ve been through, you deserve this.” The corners of her mouth curl up, and her smile is brighter than the dawn outside the window.
Kathryn lets Elizabeth ask her questions about her work and family, and replies eagerly, without giving too much information about her time. Her heart skips a beat every time she remembers that her friend won’t get anything of what she deserves.
“What about you and John?” Her curiosity is genuine. She’s read he died –will die- unmarried, but doesn’t know how far his relationship with Elizabeth went before the accident.
“It’s complicated. We’ve been…more physical, since last year, but we have yet to discuss anything seriously. The fight against the Wraith takes up most of our time, and there aren’t many occasions to meet in a more intimate environment than the balcony off the control room.” She offers a small smile and a one-shoulder shrug as she slips into her combat pants. “I guess we’ll sort it out when the war is over.”
Janeway struggles to return the smile and not let the pain show on her face. She buttons up Elizabeth’s pants as they kiss and tells her to have faith.
Once alone, Kathryn collapses on the bed and wonders how long it’s been since she’s deceived someone she loves.
***
On her third day in Atlantis, she meets Elizabeth’s future husband.
Carson Beckett has a heart the size of the Alpha Quadrant, and more courage running through his veins than he will ever know.
When she voices this thought to Elizabeth, the latter briefly lifts her head from a report she’s reading and nods in agreement, but in her eyes Kathryn sees confusion at her unusual open appraisal of one of her men.
Despite everything, she’s glad Elizabeth’s going to spend her life with a man she’s rejoiced and mourned with for so many years, one that loves her dearly and will stand by her side when things start going downhill.
***
The night before she leaves, on Elizabeth’s favorite balcony, she is asked the question she dreaded.
“You already know how this is going to end right? The war, Atlantis…” she pushes her wind-blown curls out of her eyes. “When and how I am going to die.” She leaves the words hanging in the air and turns to look at her, expectant.
“You know I can’t tell you any of this. I’ve already broken too many rules as it is.”
“What difference does another one make?” She insists.
The older woman sighs. “For me, nothing. But you need to live your life without constraints.”
“But if my destiny’s already written--”
“It’s not. Not yet at least. You will write your own future, through your choices and actions. And my presence here might have altered it already. That’s why time travels are not allowed. If I told you something—anything, who knows what kind of world I’d find when I get back.”
“It’s giving me a headache, but I think I understand.”
Kathryn chuckles. “It gives everyone a headache, my dear.” The cold season is drawing nearer on Atlantica, and she hugs herself against the late evening night chill. “Let’s go back inside.”
It’s their last night together, but they don’t make love.
***
Their last kiss inside her module is slow, tender, and tastes vaguely of tears.
“Fly safely.” Elizabeth cups her face with both hands, as if to memorize her features, before letting her ease herself into the pilot’s seat.
Kathryn’s fingers fly over a tactile screen and the ship comes to life. “I will. Computer, are all systems operational?”
A woman’s voice answers positively, and she proceeds to start the engines.
“I guess this is it.” Kathryn lifts up her hand, just as she did so many years ago, in another time and place, and watches as Elizabeth slides her fingers between hers.
“Goodbye, Kathryn.”
“Take care of yourself.”
Elizabeth pulls away first, takes a few steps backwards. Her voice is broken when she speaks. “Just promise me that you’ll count to 100 before you leave.” And in a blur of red shirt and brown curls she’s gone, running towards the closest transporter.
Before she takes off, Kathryn slips her hand into her pocket and feels the thin tress of hair, tied by a red string, she cut the previous night while Elizabeth was sleeping.
***
Elizabeth is not alone as she watches the small ship fly neatly through the Atlantean sky, but she doesn’t notice until the vessel has disappeared completely from view.
“Will you ever tell us what happened here in the past week?”
She turns to see John Sheppard standing a few feet behind her with his hands in his pocket, head tilted to the side. She’s become so used to the gun perpetually strapped to his thigh that she doesn’t think she remembers how he looks without it.
Since the first Wraith invasion, it was a precaution few of them overlooked. She had, actually, in the last days, because she didn’t want Kathryn to see the semi-automatic she kept in her right boot.
“John.” Her smile is forced, and her eyes still watery. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Who was that woman Elizabeth? Where did she come from?”
“You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”
“I haven’t had a satisfactory answer. I haven’t had any answer, for that matter.” He’s pushing a little, but he doesn’t sound angry, and she’s grateful for that.
“And once again, you won’t have one. Not today at least. Or next month.”
“Next year?” He suggests, only half-seriously, and steps forward to envelop her in a hug, his chest pressed tightly to her back, his arms resting comfortably around her hips.
“Try in twenty years. Right now, I can only say it was an old friend paying me a courtesy visit.”
“Do all your old friends have such cool spaceships?”
She laughs and leans back into him, resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes closing in appreciation when he brushes his lips over her temple.
“Can we have lunch together? I’ve been feeling kind of neglected lately, you know.” He mumbles into her hair.
“If you’re willing to eat in my office, I’d love to. Lorne’s team came back this morning from Katos and they’ve gathered some intelligence that might prove useful, and I’d like to give it a look as soon as possible.” She rubs her nose affectionately against his cheek. “I’d actually prefer if you were there with me to discuss any possible course of action.”
“Sure.” He squeezes her briefly before stepping back. “I’ll meet you in your office in about twenty minutes, just the time to get us food. Is chicken salad okay?”
She nods. “That’s just fine, and don’t forget jell-o.”
He rolls back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Color?”
She rolls her eyes. “Red.”
He squints, a smirk on his face. “Naturally.” He never grows tired of this little gag.
She shakes her head. “You’re never going to stop that, are you?”
The grin widens. “No. See ya later.”
Once alone, Elizabeth turns back to the ocean and the sky that has just swallowed her friend, and, her eyes closed, lets the wind dance around her.
And for one moment, she thinks she smells roses in the breeze.
This fanfic comes with a small fanmix :)
01. Al Stewart - Year of the cat
02. Sarah Brightman - Captain Nemo
03. Heather Nova - I miss my sky
04. Clint Masnell - Requiem for a dream
05. Heather Nova - This body
06. Giorgia - Gocce di memoria
07. Semisonic - Secret Smile
08. Gianna Nannini - Meravigliosa Creatura
09. Toad the wet sprockets - Windmills
10. Phil Collins - Another day in Paradise
11. Ayumi Hamasaki - Scar
12. Caleb Carruth - Darkness Falls
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-28 11:03 pm (UTC)Oh. My. Gawd.
I love you. I will marry you, have your babies, be your eternal slave, anything.
Gosh hon, that was incredible.
I am impressed and touched and honoured and proud and just about read to lick your shoes.
Once alone, Kathryn collapses on the bed and wonders how long it’s been since she’s deceived someone she loves.
I love that line, I really do.
she thinks she smells roses in the breeze.
PERFECT ending, honestly. I couldn't have expected anything better.
I could actually imagine all of this happening and it gave me goosebumps.
Thank you.
*reads again*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-02 10:23 am (UTC)Thank you hon, you don't know how happy you made me with this comment!!
*hands over engagement ring*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-03 11:13 pm (UTC)*loves and puts ring on* ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-06 07:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-28 11:41 pm (UTC)I have to say, i really liked it. They have a beautiful friendship in yours and Ky's fics.
I liked it very much.
and i like the last line.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-02 10:24 am (UTC)And I adore your icon! *squees at cuteness*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-22 01:52 pm (UTC)but tell me what - will liz marry carson or john? i mean, changed kathryn the time and the destiny already or happend exactly that what she read in lizs profile?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-24 08:05 pm (UTC)So I guess I can tell you that Kathryn didn't change the time.
And one thing, would you mind if I friended you? I saw you're austrian, and as I used to study german in high school, reading your posts would help me keep my german active.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-09 11:07 am (UTC)This fic gives me shivers every time I read it and it always makes me walk away feeling a little sad, a little happy and just a little curious as to what happens next.
Plus, you know, the two of them? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawt.
*happy place*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-14 09:53 pm (UTC)If I can help it the next one will have less angst and more hawtness. And no character deaths. I've already made enemies with the John-will-die thing.
*snogs*
folded time
Date: 2006-12-13 11:28 pm (UTC)But argh, the ending! What happens, does the timeline change at all??? and Come on, you really think Kathryn would come all that way and then not fudge the rules a LITTLE? This is KJ we are talking about. Maybe she left a note that Elizabeth didnt see, or a computer program or something.. anyway, awesome fic, any plans for more?
Re: folded time
Date: 2006-12-14 10:11 pm (UTC)Kathryn can't change the past, because doing that could mean damaging her own timeline. People she knows could never be born, etc..
I'm not planning a sequel for this fanfic, but a friend of mine has requested another Elizabeth/Kathryn fic so there could be something coming in 2007.
Re: folded time
Date: 2007-01-06 01:11 am (UTC)In fact, I've just finished another Kath/Liz fic that slots in between Transcendence and Folding Time, so I am officially demanding that you read it and then write another one. *boucnes and loves you*
Re: folded time
Date: 2007-01-07 07:26 am (UTC)I demand you send me the fic!!!! :D *glomps and snogs*
Okay, I've got a very vague idea for a fic there ;)
Re: folded time
Date: 2007-01-07 11:45 pm (UTC)*snogs you*
You rawk my world babes, you really do.
Re: folded time
Date: 2007-01-09 07:59 am (UTC)You rawk honey!!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-02 09:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-02 09:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-17 06:37 am (UTC)great great